mello-nation

2011-10-23T21:32:00.000-07:00

did you ever think you'd live forever?I don't remember that time. Mortality seemed all too present in my mind. It was spoken over me as a baby that I was "an old soul", perhaps that's why time seems to fly faster, leaving me with only memories. It's only gotten more so, not necessarily in a bad way, but I am reminded often that life is too fleeting to be focused so much on that which is less than beautiful or admirable, less than worthy of attention. Politics are one of those things I'd toss out the window. I recognize that more good can be done (or evil wrought) through politics than through individual relationships... most of the time. Still, not something for me, I don't want to waste my life on something I can't care to change.However, relationships of all kinds go right to the top of the list. Honestly, can you think of something -anything- that is worth more time and effort from your life than the relationships you have? Anything else that could cost more, bring more joy, invigorate your world view, or push you to/through more shit than you've ever thought possible?I know it to be true. I believe it to be more true than I can ever really know. I have no idea how to put feet to this knowledge.You're having trouble with friends? My advice is to be honest, honest with your troubles and open with your love. If your friends are friends they'll reflect the love back at ya; if not, well, you can always get a little love later. Then again, my closest friend are probably my pocket knife, bible, and crochet hooks. Maybe my journal, too. Maybe I shouldn't give out advice on relationships, ever. Obviously not a strong suit of mine?When I die, I want my headstone to say that I died a man trying to be the friend he hoped to have.

2011-10-18T23:02:00.000-07:00

I've always enjoyed moving, the packing sucked and there were moments when I asked "why me?", but in the end, it was just another place. a new adventure. I could be Capt. James T. Kirk-meets-James Bond. Moving appealed to my desire to know everything, to build new relationships, experience life in all perspectives. I could be a new person (though I never did take advantage of that opportunity), wipe all the slates clean and move forward. I suppose I treated it more like "moving on" than "forward", even "getting over it" might be more apt. I've read a few things about moving, the hardships of any move and of constantly moving. There are great resources regarding development as a child and part of a family in such an environment, and they agree on consistency of home to wrap up the wounds of leaving. An intriguing idea, especially as leaving wasn't all that hard for me, but now I see that it was about binding your heart to your previous experiences, truly loving where you were, so that when "where you were" became "where you had been" you remembered to bring your heart along also.Currently, I'm missing my heart.If you find it, tell it I love it.If it's near you, ask it to come home.

striving to bloodshed

2011-10-09T15:51:00.000-07:00

I've gotten a lot of comments about Crossfit lately. Probably because I find it relevant to many of life's commonplace conversations and queries.Some one comes into Starbucks complaining of their soreness ("Have you been stretching warm?""Taking enough fish oil?") or their lack of weight-loss (sometimes weight-gain).... Other people are looking for something honest, or something that pushes themselves towards their idea of perfection.Usually, people are looking to be a part of something greater than themselves (Big Brothers/Big Sisters are looking for you, as is your local fellowship of Christ-followers), but they feel inadequate- not enough energy, don't know where to begin, etc.That's where it's easiest to make the connection with CrossFit. "Where do I begin?" At your nearest box, rolling out your neck, running through the paces for which your body was made, to find the limit of you and the empowering community of people cheering you on, cursing with you past the pain of NEAR-defeat, congratulating you when you reached the point you couldn't surpass... yet.That's life. Those of you in church, that. is. life.Those of you outside the church, I'm sorry it took physical pain that you paid dearly for, in a group of people looking to attain something that will only last as long as your mortal bodies to see real life. There is more to life, though it can be easier to see it one step at a time starting with the tangible. Suffice to say, these are lessons taught from ancient near-eastern jews through our own present time, but somewhere along the lines we forgot that it's GOD's love that compels us. That striving to bloodshed against sin is our calling, for some the sin is apathy, or gluttony, but the goal is community the likes of which we cannot fathom. I miss my group of crazy athletes- the mothers and fathers, college kids, high school crushers, and coaches that showed me what it means to live "balls out," "all in," and generally as we've been called by GOD, holding nothing back for the next race that will never come. Thank you.

Still want to "Subscribe"?

2011-10-09T15:37:00.000-07:00

I hide my thoughts. Doesn't make sense to say that on a public blog, you say? I state it, because I know I have problems. I know that I hide myself, that I took to heart my idea of Paul's statement to be "all things to all people," to which I start to disappear.At least, I think I disappear, to others. From my side, it's just me being me.I'd rather ask permission than forgiveness. Invite others, than myself. Be in groups of 6 or less. Be silent or honest.I cannot seem to hide my feelings to save my life, must be part of that honesty streak. People know my mood, plain as the beard on my face, though I've got some theories regarding my lack of sympathy and overwhelming sense of empathy. I'm intentional about communicating my feelings clearly, as often as I can, but I think I may be wrong to think that's the better way.More than anything, I realize that I am who I am, trying to be more, but not knowing how to get there. An extroverted introvert, I attract my opposites. Maybe I'm trying to be what I need, pushing past social niceties to hear from others, wanting to feel their heart more than my own.So I respond with this next series of blogs/notes, entries from my journal. My real life as I see it, not the picture of me you see.

who knew 4th of July came twice this year?

2011-07-14T19:58:00.000-07:00

I moved to Tucson. Still can't quite believe it. The house itself lends to the lack of credibility, because I never lived here. This was my vacation house: show up for a few days, help Mom out with cleaning it for some event, pretend to know where I'm going in the city, then leave. But now, I'm a resident. One in a million... one of a million.
The move was pretty eventful, being the one that took longer and had more advance notice than most every other. In Santa Rosa, I worked two jobs and ministry, etc. right up until the last hour I was there; now I have no responsibilities, yet. I thought I would be moving mid-late June, so I planned the travel dates for the weekend before July 4th (figured people would have mostly travelled before the 4th, so at the least I'd have clear roads that day). Well, instead of the easy idea I thought it would be, I moved from Santa Rosa to San Jose (family reunion pitstop), then on to Big Bear for the weekend so I could pick up my stepdad. The weekend itself held plenty of fun and excitement (let alone being stuck halfway moved), but the sensory adventures were definitely the last hours in Big Bear and the first hours of Arizona.
Ever seen "The Birds"? Neither have I, but part of it was filmed in Sonoma County, so the concept is readily available to my mind.
Now imagine that The Birds took place the night of July 4th, and you were the first to be attacked, so no one believed you. That was my celebration this year =)
Here I am, sitting, minding my own business (mostly) when I feel something brushing my chest. A buddy of mine had a stick in his hand next to me, so I figured he was responsible, but then it got violent. The brushing turned to scrabbling and I looked down to see some little dark creature clawing its way up my chest, towards my face! Being on the ground, I thought it was a squirrel or small coon, and the only reason I could think of for either of those skittish creatures to run through a crowd and jump someone was rabies. Poor ol' yeller... So i did what any normal, red-blooded American would do: I jumped screaming, swiping at my chest like I was on fire...
I may never hear the end of it from the people watching because no one else saw the crow hop away from me after I beat it off me.
Thankfully, it was in the calm before the finale. I've only been around for one other fireworks show in Big Bear and this finale was fantastic. A barrage of light and sound that captured the beat of my heart.

Captured till the next day, that is... because the 5th of July was more spectacular than the 4th!!!
This is what the afternoon was shaping up to look like, as Kyle and I passed from California to Arizona. The sand in the clouds made the sky look like a movie screen, a silver-sheen across the sky...
... then night came and with it, the most amazing light show I've ever seen... two hours straight of lightning all around the skies above us, lighting the way through the clouds. Fantastic... throw in some 70 mph crosswinds and sheets of rain, and you've got a recipe for a drive that I didn't think my truck would survive.
Life is good.

Salinas Little League ruined my life.

2010-08-26T11:54:00.000-07:00

To start this off: thanks, Coach Mark (of Smuckers) and Coach Rose (of the Bulldogs). You two, and your assistant coaches, were excellent teachers of baseball, teamwork and good work ethics.
But you had to go and make it seem like what we learned would be useful in life.
Nope, not useful.
Idealistic, wonderfully so, but is there room for that in this world?

Maybe only room where people are in the world, not of it, but even still we're human and prone to mistakes (or laziness). So now, when I think of work, I think of those days in Little League where a missed throw meant we'd all run a 1/4 mile. A missed catch, the same. If we came across a situation play, and didn't play the situation, then the gloves stayed on, and we'd all take off for the distant fence for our lap.
We all ran, because both sets of coaches knew that we needed to strive against something, to fight for perfection. And we did, we fought hard, and succeeded at being undefeated in our district both years.
As much as we hated it, we ran hard, because it was asked of us, and we knew it made us better. We all ran because coach said, and no one was going to let one of his teammates get away with not pulling his weight. Those same feelings are seemingly no longer applicable, in fact, someone that would live like that is considered "extreme", "not a team player", someone of "too high expectations".

A world of apathy has no room for the baseball players of Salinas Little League.

Was this surprise "Lent" to me?

2010-02-27T15:27:00.000-08:00

I have started the application process for Alliance ministry, and I find myself struck (almost literally) with some of the questions they pose. Have you ever written out a biographical sketch of yourself? Try it. Put emphasis on your spiritual development.
I hardly know what to put. I've read numerous biographical sketches, mostly of historical musicians, and the thing that stands out in each sketch is that the focus is on the individual's effect on society at large. How does one answer a question like that on their own?
Even worse, after spending the time to try to put down a sketch of your own life, what do you do when you don't like the picture?

enjoy your trepidation.

2009-02-05T21:21:00.000-08:00

The itch has begun.
The seemingly irresistible urge to sever ties, to loose bonds, and to encourage practices formerly avoided (notice the Oxford Comma- gratitude to "Loki").
Another year has come and gone, but this time it snuck by me like a ship in the night, a very dark night... a very silent ship.

I had few visions of grandeur coming and going from school; my parents probably knew this best, as they took me aside and asked that I would not become a bum. Despite the hair and tattered clothing, I think I've kept my word to them. I wonder the price.... TANSTAAFL.

So many new people, so many new experiences, but they are not mine and I am faced with my drive for the escape of the horizon-tempered in the quench of duty, of ever-controlling responsibility, regardless of options that may appear tantalizingly close.

This is my close for the evening. Enjoy your trepidation. Experience your joy and trepidation.

Fear
Altered
In
To
Hope

~James Thomas Mello

Movers and Shapers

2008-12-19T22:10:00.000-08:00

*Disclaimer:
There is none.

Thank GOD for Josh and Joanna Maziarz!
With so many friends married (or close to it) the subject of marriage is certainly on my mind. The thing about Josh and Jo is that they have never compelled a wish that I had someone, if only as a refuge from my life and friends. They made me want someone as an enhancement to OUR lives and OUR community.

And a similar thanks to GOD for Jed and Crystal Smith!
Thanks for their amazing demonstration of community to me. Jed working a couple jobs to get his family all they need, but still hosting Saturday night dinners and movies with Crystal. They would put together a night in a home away from home for their troupe of friends that are missing "home". How amazing is that?!

That is how I want to be, I want to have my own place that I can continue the gifts of my friends to others- especially in a place like Santa Rosa. I think Santa Rosa needs something like that, in the sense of community to break the "gimme-gimme's".
The ridiculous part is that I've been wanting this because I don't remember having it much and my parents weren't really this way (none of them, I think). Of course, now that I've moved away, it seems like mom and Kyle are getting it...!!!

About me... and not me.

2008-05-27T22:05:00.000-07:00

I have a tendency toward balance. Blame my dad if you'd like, maybe hold GOD responsible, but when confronted with a strong position (probably, any position) I face it with my own "balancing" position.
Since South Africa, that position has been the preaching of grace. My own belief has been shaken and fixed, crushed up and ground into new mortar to be re-used.

I want the Person of Christ. I want it in fullness. I want the whole thing and I want it as my own.

Preaching JESUS' gift in death and resurrection without continuing on to Christ's life as ours, leaves one with the gift of a key to a gate without any idea of how one walks on the path... all analogies fail in the end, but bear with me, please.
These past months I've found myself searching for something more than what I know, and I already know that JESUS is my Savior (from something I don't understand), that HE gave HIS life as sacrifice for me for reasons that I understand but struggle to appreciate (as the appreciation comes with understanding differences in relationship).
The verse that came to mind? Romans 5:7 (given with surrounding verses):
"you see, at just the right time, when we were still powerless, Christ died for the ungodly. Very rarely will anyone die for a
righteous man, though for a good man someone might possibly dare to die. But GOD demonstrates His own love for us in this:
while we were still sinners, Christ died for us."
That played over and over again in my mind. I know that I would lay down my life to help save someone else. I can feel the duty, and understand the responsibility to give up to help others... but why die for me? maybe more to the point, why live for Him?
That was the question, that was the drive-- for what purpose does one love Him and give all for Him?! I don't know Him, not like I know my friends. I can't sit down to a cup of coffee and discuss our relationship, because He lacks the presence to respond. Sure He had the Bible written to speak to me, but when I ask what He thinks of my latest crush, or which band He likes better, responses like "I AM" or "Come, down out of that tree, for I will dine with you tonight" don't really help, you know?
And how does one get to know Him. He obviously has shown love to us with creation, but I thought that love was more than gifts. The "thought" may be what "counts", but having a relationship with thoughts and gifts are nearly impossible (and most would agree: insanity itself). So how do I get to know Him, the real Him, the One that makes all of this worth it?
Christians.
Christians, the Christ-like ones combined, are the earthly showing of Christ (pre-Second Coming). He made us diverse, a piece of the puzzle that is Him, and without each other we shall not know Christ. We know that Christ is the fullness of humanity, He is the perfect or complete One, and we are not perfect nor complete. Wouldn't complete encompass the personality? Somewhere, Amy got her laugh from God, my dad got his annnoyingly slow-paced conversation style from GOD... I got my questing spirit from GOD. We are the fractured fallen ones. But He wants us to know Him, not just to be near Him, but to be WITH Him. I cannot believe that the end-all of Creation would be to be saved, to escape damnation. Too much love and creativity has been shown, too much sacrifice made for the truth to be contained within "being saved" or "receiving grace". There has to be more, more to find and love, and that is what I want.
I still don't know how to get it, but I know its in the journey and not the destination.
I know that GOD made people to be known by each other.
I know that being is more important than doing.
I know that GOD has asked me to "do justly, to love mercy and to walk humbly with Him".

what more do I need to know...? I'm still looking for all of it myself.

coming out of A closet

2008-05-12T23:15:00.000-07:00

I think I be on to something:
I am a "closet high-maintenance, drama queen"

It came to me after talking a bit with Josh Ratiani, at least, that is where I got the high-maintenance part. I seemed to be giving him such a hard time about the upcoming retreats and musical details of a Sunday morning.
The drama queen title comes from the apparent need for adversity in my life. Now that I have some stability, i keep looking for something to happen (or maybe looking to see if I NEED something to happen), to keep up my "change junkie" addiction that I received from my mom.
I wonder what that says about me, that I need to strive against or to something... that I'm an idealist, needing purpose to continue on. That I need the competition to keep me at my best... it even feels that my faith ebbs and flows with complacency... and I only seem to be complacent when I'm out of "antagonists"....

world as myth

2008-04-03T22:33:00.000-07:00

Books to read:
CS Lewis' "Surprised by Joy" and Robert Heinlein's "The Cat Who Walked Through Walls".
Both of them enjoyable for different reasons, and Heinlein's "Cat" is not for immature or young minds.

The "world as myth" is something that "cat" addresses specifically, an idea that sparks enough with fantasy to capture one's desire for their own lives, while leaving it in the hands of the sci-fi writer as a "fairy tale". Which is ironic, because the skepticism is the very character's perspective of such a thought.
But then you have CS Lewis with his perception of "the world as myth", maybe not exactly the same, but certainly trying to recover the meaning of the word "myth". I think that it was he that said that the Bible (biblical story) was the greatest myth of all, knowing that myth refers to a narrative of historical proportion, not necessarily a false story...

more to think about along those lines, but I'm actually getting tired, so it's about time to stop.

--------

what is it about ages that set me off...?
I've tried so hard to look past ages knowing that I have all too often been the youngest one, striving to make the age of a person less relevant to capabilities, experience, maturity.... But I'm too guilty of prejudice to know to combat it.

Family is more than you know...

2008-03-27T17:46:00.001-07:00

Jesus’ words intrigue me. Much of what I see as I skim through the pages of my Bible confuse me: why is that here? what do I do with this story? narration? poem? who cares that Paul wrote so much; we aren’t Paul-ians?!
Bu when I get back to Jesus’ words, there seems value to each one. Reading those words are reading the words of God (through “less” disciple essayist form… I’m not reading an apostle’s blog about what Jesus wanted/likes/did…)
So have you read John 17? You know, the passage where we see Jesus pray… is this where “we” learned to pray? I use the collective “we” to remind me that I’m not perfect, because reading Jesus’ prayer, I suddenly see where the tradition of address and convincing comes from in our own prayers. That was always something I didn’t like about the way I prayed or those around me… wasn’t God supposed to know this already? aren’t we supposed to talk with Him, rather than “force His hand” with reminders of promises, etc.?
Now to dive into what got me started: John 17. Jesus keeps harping on us being one as He is one with the Father. That is His prayer (if consistency demonstrates emphasis) for us, to Him. But how are we ever to be one if we hate our brothers? * gasp * What about when we disparage others?! For most, that’s not even any where close to hatred, but “out of the heart, the mouth speaks”. So what about Roman Catholics? Episcopals? Anglicans? Orthodox? We’re saying that we may not have all the answers, but “those heretical Catholics…” or “those ritualistic Orthodox…” The “best” part about this is also a reason why I dislike Casting Crowns: this attitude is portrayed as being instructional or something. (I brought up Casting Crowns because of their ridiculous song “What if God’s People Prayed”… how does scourging someone turn into encouragement to pray as we ought? answer: it doesn’t!!! a negative or cross-wise comment can only be truly encouraging/exhorting when in love, in an actual relationship; not from some soapbox in whatever town they’re from…)
How are we to be one family if we refuse to acknowledge any other side? You don’t choose your family name (not really) yet Jesus talks about us being called by His name as He receives His Father’s name (John 17:11-12). He gives it to us, we don’t choose it. I am a Mello. I had the option of being a Coffin, but I’m not a Coffin, I’m a Mello. It is who I was made to be. If Jesus made me to be a new man in Him then I have His name. And I cannot truly judge a Catholic brother, he has been given a new name… the same surname I have… I don’t choose my brothers, and if I think they’re wrong about something, disowning them won’t teach them very well, now will it? In fact, the only way I can see to communicate effectively is to strengthen the family tie, to acknowledge us and build the relationship with our points of commonality. Celebrating differences is great for special events, but we’re family now.
We celebrate the day-to-day, together.

sometimes it takes so long...

2008-03-19T21:19:00.000-07:00

For all of you that understand the irony of this situation, I am blogging "late" at night...
Lately I've been receiving messages that I should be blogging more, letting my thoughts be made known for my friends that I am around and those that I can't the time to see... unfortunately, I've had trouble keeping my thoughts together enough to put them down for my friends, well, that and I feel like I haven't actually been thinking that much. Now if I'm still living, then I should still have something to write about, right? yeah, not so much when I remember that I'm alive by my thoughts (and their influence on my actions)....
so now, hopefully, I will have something to say, as I seem to have found some time, some actions, and some thoughts to keep in mind to share with you:

music.
music has been floating around my noggin since South Africa, because I got to play, really play, in a way I hadn't in such a long time. Whether it was bass or drums, making music was right at the top of the daily priority list.
I love playing,
I love thinking through what I'm playing, stretching my abilities and combining what I've learned with what I've heard to make something new (at least moderately new). Then my bass was removed from me, somewhere between Cape Town and Washington, D.C., and I had to adapt a little. I play more drums,
which forces me to listen more to what people are playing around me. I have to play basses that are unfamiliar and with different sets of sounds...mmm.... variety can be great, if also difficult. All of this, combined with the encouragement of my mentor, Foster; my teacher, Calin; and others (Newell, Ratiani, Corbin) brings out this feeling of need to continue with this art.
I just don't know how far I can go with this... if I actually love it enough to
make it more than a hobby... though it has obviously passed that mark,
long ago.
Maybe some playing in Nashville is in order? but I'd probably want to play some catch up before I go ahead...

also about music... I've had some funny conversations with people lately about musical styles and personal preferences. Maybe its just that I'm on the postmodern generation, but I feel qualifying music is an especially difficult, if not impossible, task. It can't be done, because the qualifications are of preference. But to go further than judging music, as if above all, and judge the people listening by their music really pisses me off.
Now, I can understand a qualification by morality, like "this music celebrates bad morals", but to say that listening to classic rock is bad is quite another thing.... especially if followed by a declaration like: I only listen to Christian music and classical opera (mozart, Lully, etc.). Talk about idiocy. Those operas with their drama and content are the 17th century version of our R-X rated movies! Just because the music may be more melodically "pleasing" or the complexity more theoretically ingenious, or even that it is in a language you don't understand with beautiful voices and instrumentation.... that doesn't make it "Christian" or anyway else you may want to put it... not any more than Queen or Owen or Ben Gibbard...
As an abstract art, I find it very hard to believe that music is not always a form of worship. The lyrics may try to spin us away from the creativity of our Maker, but the music is still a gift and a blessing from God... hmm... talking about it in these terms makes me think that God's wonderfully confusing abstracts are fairly similar in simplistic complexity... like sex: good in marriage, bad without. honoring to God and given with His blessing, capable of perverseness, but not actually a bad thing of itself.

yeah, rambling now, I told you it was late.

dreams

2007-10-10T11:03:00.000-07:00

I've been trying to write down my dreams lately.
"Lately" being some time since junior year of college...
I am not sure why I do this, I always end up feeling like I didn't capture what it was that was going on in each one, a feeling both of purpose and intent in each dream that eludes my touch. I realize that dreams fragility lends them my hesitation to truly grasp my sub/un-concious thoughts, but... what is it that skips out from me, that runs silently or simply vanishes from "conciousness"?

Dreams have been on my mind more now, the kinds of dreams that you can pursue -like a "life-dream or goal"- and the kinds of dreams that pursue you... I've been having more of those within the last few months. Some nights I wake up in the middle wondering if what I saw was true, praying that those I see, those I love, are nowhere near to what I've dreamt. Dear God, please keep my friends in Your Grasp and not in the holds I've seen so many times in my dreams...

What does one do with these dreams, these nightly visions?

Reminds me of...

2007-10-05T00:04:00.000-07:00

So I was driving around, listening to music and realized that the albums/artists that have the most attachment to me are ones that I would not have expected.
Here are some examples of album/artist and what it reminds me of:

Blink-182, enema of the state: it will always remind me of Big Bear, the joy of living there. and newly added to this memory is "adam's song" and its tearing reminder of Seth.

Juliana Theory, emotion is dead & understand this is a dream: while Blink reminds me of Big bear, Juliana Theory reminds me of the people that make Big Bear. The songs are connected to relationships I've built and ones I've let slip away...

Everclear, so much for the afterglow: this one cuts me deep everytime, the rest that I have to say is: my dad.

Jimmy Eat World, clarity
&
The Get Up Kids, Something to write home about: road trips, the joy of taking them and the pain of needing to take them.

This is the beginning of my list. I will try to add to it.
what is your list?

some of my latest thoughts

2007-10-03T22:53:00.000-07:00

I've been thinking a lot lately, not so much as I know what I want to write, but enough that I know I have to write to start capturing my thoughts. I wonder if this is one of the modern ways of "taking every thought captive".... I always thought the captivity was to be before the thought left my mouth, but maybe its either way.

Anyways, I've been thinking while I work (a great thing about manual work is that the mind is left free to enjoy the time), and I'm troubled about my future. I don't feel worried about what's ahead or where I'll be. I know that its more important who I am over what I do (the one will follow the other).
But what gets me the most and what I've been trying to capture more of late are those things that stir me. Things like justice, passing on wisdom, loving people and helping them (in whatever way is needed). Seeing needs and knowing that I can help motivates me, but I'm not seeing it happen and that is a kill-joy.
I wanted to be a carpenter, because I love to work with my hands to create usable art (also termed being an artisan). For this reason, I've also learned to knit, sew, crochet, carve, etc.
I love to help people, thus I wanted to be a lifeguard and eventually an EMT.
I feel strongly about justice and protecting people, so I've looked into law-enforcement. I even thought about being a bodyguard, but at times that seems a bit ridiculous, as if I'd be fluff-protection, helping those that already have help (instead of the "fatherless and the widow")......

but I haven't gotten it figured out, yet, huh?

The Revisited, again...

2007-08-02T20:44:00.000-07:00

* I started writing in my journal again, starting with this "Plan" and decided to simply start quoting from it. This is the beginning of my heart: *

...I want to live out my life and ministry in community.
I want my life TO BE my ministry.
In my life, the people have been the anchor point, the roots, but it hadn't been until the last four years that I'd realized it and poured myself in that direction.
Thus, now, I want to bring my friends together in a big home (whether it be a huge house, take over an apartment complex... logistics for later) and live life in tight community. I think that the ministry would be multi-faceted, influencing both those in the living situation and those outside.
And it doesn't stop there, merely bringing in some friends to have fun together, no... it calls out for inclusive invitation! Pool the money, the time, and the resources... combine efforts so that no ONE is doing all the work, and everyone works till the job is done. This opens the door for more people, more fun, more blessing and ministry, and more LIFE. That is when it would be possible to have guests over more often and less possible to hide behind "masks". We would be joined in life-ministry, calling in the pastors and the homelesss alike to fellowship with us.
I would invite pastors because I know their need to be receivers of ministry, and why not invite a few pastors (and their families) to join in food and fun?! Wouldn't that help build bridges, possibly join the congregational leaders in life together, instead of letting them stay in their denominational comfort zones?! And what better way than through food and "funtivities", especially seeing as I now sit immersed in camp ministry....

An Old Thought, revisited.

2007-07-31T20:30:00.000-07:00

This post will most likely be the first of several, because the ideas that I have cannot be described by me in such little time and experience as this.
I have been praying, pondering and generally searching for what to do and where to do it. Let me explain: I came to the conclusion years ago that my life and ministry needed to be integrated, fully... holistically...
Then I spent some years living life like most others, in search of what I was "supposed" to do, where I was "supposed" to be, etc.
Life felt like it was more, and I was told that there was more to life... from faith to love, and the important simplicity of hope.

*After two hours of distracted writing, this is what I have, so enjoy and stay tuned for my next update*

that one that followed the first

2006-09-22T00:42:00.000-07:00

“Your young men will dream dreams…” I found myself shying from dreaming. You know, those dreams that you have where the things you like are still around, the people you like are with you and you can hear your favorite band kick up your favorite song… The funny part was that I did not even have a reason to give myself as to why I ran from my little daydreams. Then it came to me that God gave us dreams (the above Scripture is not meant for support to this end) and that He desires to give us good gifts. While I may not know the perfect gift that He has for me, that does not mean that I am not supposed to dream for them, to ask for them by name, to importunately request them from God.

one to be followed by another

2006-09-22T00:35:00.000-07:00

Faith.
I have been thinking about faith this summer, I touched on the subject in a previous blog, but I do not think I progressed very far into my thoughts. My struggle with understanding faith comes when I feel nothing more, desire nothing more, and have nothing left, is that then when my prayer shows my faith? Is my prayer the action that shows me to believe God’s promise, to acknowledge His existence and ask for help? Thus, are my faithful works preceded by my believing prayer?

the search for unity in community

2006-07-26T13:12:00.000-07:00

I think the main thing that I have been pondering over and over, discussing with myself and with others is the subject of unity. It is somewhat ironic that I would take this on as my special project, as I do not feel that I would be one singled out as especially unifying. I challenge all around me, I'm not usually associated with something (thus not connected with others and not seen as unified with anything, yet), in other words: I don't fit. How can that which does not fit, make others fit there? I suppose that the issues I bring to mind could in fact be my qualifications. My challenging could be used like the sandpaper used to rough up a surface before joining it together with a laminate to another object. And the disassociation could be seen as bridging the gap because I would not be seen as one of "them" thus able to be trusted. Maybe my not fitting is like the random piece that doesn't fit except to join that which is not together... and maybe I'm just hoping for something more....
Anyways, what I do want to get to is my stance on church unity. Keep in mind that I haven't put together a formula, I have no "answers," and I cannot explain all situations. What I can do, and hope to, is show that the focus of Christians needs to continue to be Christ. As professing Christians we are all connected to each other, regardless of our position on women pastors, our opinion of how often the Lord's Supper should be served, the ministry of speaking in tongues, etc. This connection gives us our name: Christians, Christ-Followers, The People of THE WAY. Eph. 3:14-20 (italics mine)
For this reason I bow my knees to the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ,
from whom the whole family in heaven and earth is named,
that He would grant you, according to the riches of His glory,
to be strnegthened with might through His Spirit in the inner man,
that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith;
that you, being rooted and grounded in love,
may be able to comprehend with all the saints what is the width and length and depth and height--
to know the love of Christ which passes knowledge;
that you may be filled with all the fullness of God.
Now to Him who is able to do exceedingly abundantly above all that we ask or think,
according to the power that works in us,
to Him be glory in the church by Christ Jesus to all generations, forever and ever. Amen.

the eleventh copycat... a return to roots

2006-03-28T14:20:00.000-08:00

This entry harkens back to the reason for the copycat series.

I was filling out a Student Leader's Report and put in a prayer request for the guys on campus to receive instruction on how to be a man. On top of this, I put in a comment that the wouldn't be impeded by what "women" "think" men should be. The quotes are to separate women, real stand-up ladies, from the girls that are putting on airs; and "think" because I do not want fantasy dreams to be confused with true masculinity. Unfortunately, I think that many might say I lack the experience to make such claims and to those people I must express my condolences, because I won't gain the experience till I take the stance and receive the cuts and the training that all men must take. Real masculinity is found in the handling of life's problems. It is found in the humble assurance of doing one's best to look after the affairs of those around him. It stands tall and quiet, needing no applause, accepting graciously any gratitude shown and returning all praise to his Maker. It takes those things that are asked of him and completes them, as if to say, "I am a man and this is my sign." A woman's wish for the perfect gentlemen is met, but coupled with the steel necessary to face all of the wilder-ness that is not found in most women's dreams. A man cannot be a man and a woman; one that is an adventurer and a hunter, yet also the adventure and the object pursued (John Eldredge). A man takes captive his thoughts and speaks his mind. His words are to be a benefit to his brothers and sisters, as his thoughts are to be a blessing to himself and his Father.

Copycat #10

2006-03-28T14:15:00.000-08:00

Most every culture has had a rite of passage from being a boy to being a man, did I pass? Is it my turn now to demand these around me to pass as well, and what task is to be required?
Micah 6:8 comes to mind:
What is required of you, o man?
But to live justly,
to love mercy,
and to walk humbly with your God.

a quick digression

2006-03-19T21:22:00.000-08:00

Enjoy this, I did.
E.E. Cummings:

somewhere i have never traveled,gladly beyond
any experience,your eyes have their silence:
in your most frail gesture are things which enclose me,
or which i cannot touch because they are too near

your slightest look easily will enclose me
though i have closed myself as fingers,
you open always petal by petal myself as Spring opens
(touching skilfully,mysteriously) her first rose

or if your wish be to close me,i and
my life will shut very beautifully,suddenly,
as when the heart of this flower imagines
the snow carefully everywhere descending;

nothing which we are to perceive in this world equals
the power of your intense fragility:whose texture
compels me with the colour of its countries,
rendering death and forever with each breathing

(i do not know what it is about you that closes
and opens; only something in me understands
the voice of your eyes is deeper than all roses)
nobody,not even the rain,has such small hands

ninth copycat

2006-03-02T19:23:00.000-08:00

*This comes from my journal*

This stems from my last entry and fulfills a different view ofmy crest at the end.

Oh, the mountains call to me. They say my name, quietly, present and yet always leaving. The wilds call me by a name I do not know, in a tongue I do not understand. Is this You? They excite me. Wilder-ness, do I dare answer? What do I say?

A gentle breeze from hushabye mountain
Softly blows o'er lullabye bay
It fills the sails of boats that are waiting
Waiting to sail your worries away.

It isn't far to hushabye mountain
And your boat waits down by the quay
The winds of night so softly are sighing
Soon they will fly your troubles to sea.

So close your eyes on hushabye mountain
Wave goodbye to cares of the day
And watch your boat from hushabye mountain
Sail far away from lullabye bay.

©Sherman/Sherman

I think that the song I copied down just above this resonates with the feeling that is found in my heart as I attempt to design a picture that shows my heart as it is.

huitième d'une série qui peut ne jamais terminer

2006-03-02T19:13:00.000-08:00

*journal disclaimer*

I decided over Thanksgiving break (I wrote this during Christmas break) that I wanted to design a family crest. I wanted something that described me, something that tied me to my family but set me apart as being "me": the last of them, one of the Mello's yet also hailing from Twight roots. My crest is a mountain, snow-capped, with a Hobie catamaran inside. The sail is slicing through the mountain and what is escaping from the mountain is what is in my heart. The flames are the passion/enthusiasm that burns for I-don't-know-what, and the blood is the leting of blood as if from a wound. I want to work in a rose and the Melo family crest on the sail of the cat. The mountain stands for my stability (if you looked at my personality tests from last fall's entries you would have seen that I test high in duty and stability). The Hobie stands for all that is free floating, driven in the wind, escaping the solidity of that which I have built around me, yet trapped inside the strength that I strive to possess as my own. It also happens to be the two sides of my family: the Mellos are known for their escape to the sea, in one form or another; while the Twights are mountain folk to the core.

séptimo de serie del gato de la copia

2006-03-02T18:58:00.000-08:00

*The usual, most likely unnecessary, disclaimer that this is taken from a journal of mine*

So, I have found from some people I know that their idea of a "man", as opposed to their idea of a "guy", is that a man is settled. Settled in life, in jobs, in a house, in himself and you have no idea how much that could describe me. Don't get me wrong, I want all of those things and I am pointed in that direction, but they seem so distant in my field of vision that I cannot even imagine them in my possession. And, of course, half of that battle is that I am still (and will continue to) learn to know myself. To know myself and my passions to find that suitable, settled job to get the settled life/house in order that I may be that which I desire, though I may not ever reach that, should God call me to what He has called so many others: the minstering "nomads" or missionaries. I do happen to know one thing though, and that is that I do not agree with the above view of a "man"; that idea has too much taste of Hollywood's perception of stability (which is focused on earth, not heavern- or God- ward).
The thoughts have escaped me; I must capture them. I really do like my life. I like to do things and make things, to transfer information and absorb all that I can. My life is ahead of me, may I take joy in what I am doing! I connect well with those above me, do I have abilities in that area? I worry less about tomorrow's food, drink, and clothing than I do about what I want to be doing for a job tomorrow.

the sixth of an unknown copycat

2006-02-11T10:22:00.000-08:00

*Starting with the first copycat is probably beneficial*

At what point do I need to change to accomodate someone else's view? If I am approached and asked to change, do I immediately take it to heart? Do I try to explain myself? That seems like a cop-out. Emerson said this about standing behind your actions and words:
Speak what you think now in hard words, and to-morrow speak what to-morrow thinks in
hard words again, though it contradict every thing you said to-day. � 'Ah, so you shall be sure
to be misunderstood.' � Is it so bad, then, to be misunderstood? Pythagoras was
misunderstood, and Socrates, and Jesus, and Luther, and Copernicus, and Galileo, and
Newton, and every pure and wise spirit that ever took flesh.
But that just seems to fit an idea of integrity, what I needed was guidance to an approach to someone else, so you decide what is right.

Therefore strengthen the hands which hang down, and the feeble knees, and make straight paths for your feet, so that what is lame may not be dislocated but rather be healed. Pursue peace with all people, and holiness, without which no one will see the Lord: looking carefully lest anyone fall short of the grace of God; lest any root of bitterness springing up cause trouble, and by this many become defiled. -Hebrews 12:12-15
Stand fast therefore in the liberty by which Christ has made us free, and do not be entangled again with a yoke of bondage.-Galatians 5:1
I say then, walk in the Spirit, and you shall not fulfill the lust of the flesh. For the flesh lusts against the Spirit, and the Spirit against the flesh; and these are contrary to one another, so that you do no do the things that you wish. But if you are led by the Spirit you are not under the law. Now the works of the flesh are evident, which are: adultery, fornication, uncleanness, lewdness, idolatry, sorcery, hatred, contentions, jealousies, outbursts of wrath, selfish ambitions, dissensions, heresies, envy, murders, drunkeness, revelries, and the like....-Galatians 5:16-21a
Bretheren, if a man is overtaken in any trespass, you who are spiritual restore such a one in a spirit of gentleness, considering yourself lest you also be tempted. Bear one another's burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ.-Galatians 6:1-2
Therefore, as we opportunity, let us do good to all, especially to those who are of the household of faith.-Galatians 6:10

an addendum to the pentad

2006-02-10T14:29:00.000-08:00

hebrews 12:1-9

Therefore we also, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us lay aside every weight and the sin which so easiliy ensnares us; and let us run with endurance the race which has been set before us, looking unto Jesus, the author and finisher of our faith who, for the joy set before Him endured the cross, despising the shame, and has sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. For consider Him who endured such hostility from sinners against Himself, lest you become weary and discouraged in your souls. You have not yet resisted to bloodshed striving against sin; and you have forgotten the exhortation which speaks to you as to sons: My son, do not despise the chastening of the Lord nor be discouraged when you are rebuked by Him. For whom the Lord loves, He chastens and scourges every son whom He receives. If you endure chastening then God deals with you as with sons, for what son is there whom a father does not chasten? But if you are without chastening, of which all have become partakers, then you are illegitimate and not sons.

the copycat's pentad

2006-02-10T14:21:00.000-08:00

*journal disclaimer blah blah*

I've equated elements of my masculinity with my ability to lead where I've been placed, but I've felt like a failure in that. I keep coming back to a feeling of jealousy towards those that find leadership coming to them so easily. A leader isn't one that knows the right words to call themselves a leader, but one that people follow. For those I've felt jealous of I want to apologize, show my appreciation for their skills and the vision that they have, despite the disagreements I may have and the envy of those abilities. But that isn't the way a leader should be...
Over the summer I felt that I was as a leader: overruled, making wrong decisions, using quick or harsh words, and impatient, oh, and that is how I tend to be anyways. Please, God, find me and use me for You are the only one that can do anything with this frail creation.

fourth of the copycats

2006-02-08T19:06:00.000-08:00

Romans 5:1-6
Therefore, having been justified by faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom also we have access by faith into this grace in which we stand, and rejoice in hope of the glory of God. And not only that, we also glory in tribulations, knowing that tribulation produces perserverance; and perserverance, character; and character, hope. Now hope does not disappoint, because the love of God has been poured out in our hearts by the Holy Spirit who was given to us. For when we were still without strength, in due time Christ died for the ungodly.

copycat the third

2006-02-01T18:02:00.000-08:00

*Disclaimer: Taken piecemeal from my journal*

I am slipping back to my old self, the honor driven one. The on that craves recognition and spends his time considering courses of action that will keep this honor through -and after- fights, arguments, pitfalls and challenges. I get proud of the way I could handle myself and situations even though it has never truly been field-tested. I have never fought, not a knock-down, go-in-swinging fight. Praise God for that!!! But, in addition, I feel that I would do well, too well even; and I do not want to lose control again like I did with Jason Auxier. That leaves my old self feeling without honor that others don't think I could fight well, yet I know myself well enough to know that it is better to have earthly-non-substantial honor ground to bits to keep His Name praised than to pursue "honor"-building. Lord, be my strength, remind me that You gave me honor, and not anything I have done or will do.

copycat the second

2006-02-01T17:45:00.000-08:00

*Once again, these postings are from my journal, so I apologize the choppiness.*

Is it really a challenge to my manhood for a woman to be the head of a relationship (not the one I am in)? Is it something that I address or question? Maybe I should address it in points as they were brought up to me:

1) It isn't anyone's business to tell us the man should rule over the woman.

Reply:
What about accountability? Where is that in shutting everyone off that might be able to help you grow?
Should it be read as "rule over?" The Bible and many others liken a relationship between a man and a woman to that of a person and a horse, and ship. While crude, incomplete (as most analogies) and probably offensive, those illustrations provide some helpful examples (should the listener be thoughtful and willing to listen). Both should be well cared for, loved, and respected ahead of the man's self. All should be guided when necessary with a firm hand in wisdom and love (firm as the embrace of a loved one, the grip walking hand in hand with his Beloved). A sailor or equestrian rely on the path of their ship or horse to stay steady, and many a rancher has let his horse pick the path because of the horse's inate sense, till there is time that the rancher must actually take charge (and sometimes it will be wrong, so deal with it lovingly).

2) What reason(s) should the man be given the responsibility of the home and not the woman?

Reply:
discuss the effects on a man....
Biblical? Social? Should society's opinion even matter? Aren't we trying to change society's viewpoint on things? What about the witness of the home? Do we attempt to change the outlook on this relationship or was the outlook inbred in us for the reason of preserving it to the glory of God?

3) How should one handle this issue, regardless of side taken? What would be the wise course of action?

Reply:
Avoid an argument!!! Discussions may help, but a full debate will more likely cause disunity than not, and that will (or should be) frowned upon. Nothing should be done that will hurt the individual or corporate witness and worship. Listen mostly, there will be plenty said after you have spoken your standpoint. People are curious as well as opinionated and when they find you more interested in hearing them than debating points, they will grow quiet to listen to you fully. Remember to think of cultural/social connotations of words used. The easiest way to turn a person for or against you is to use a word or phrase that would/could attack their foundations. This will also help keep you flexible because you might run into an argumentative person and being flexible will keep you sane and logical thus gaining you allies in the long run.

copycat?

2006-02-01T10:16:00.000-08:00

Now, for some this might seem like I am copying someone else's ideas, but as I have documented proof that I wrote this stuff first, I don't feel nearly as bad adding to the gowing ideas of true masculinity. Also, this may seem erratic because I am essentially piecing together all that which I have been writing about in my journal, trying to show my failings at manliness, what men should strive for, and the exhortation to continue striving. All that aside, enjoy reading this:

Striving is not necessarily God. We sacrifice so that He can bless us over that amount, not so that we can be seen as Christian. A man sacrifices for/with purpose. Proving you are a man is not a purpose. As a man under God, do I work towards doing the wise thing or do I focus on the love thing? Serve my nuclear family or be wise-in-life and prepare for my coming family and my "coming-to-age" at graduation/marriage/etc.?

Life has seemed so meaningless. All that seemed real was in Him and when I didn't look up (or even want to) there was always plenty to distract me. I'm failing classes and that hurts my pride. I want to say that it hurts my influence (something I know to be related to my perceived rapport among the people I live with), unfortunately, I have to bear the responsibility squarely and know that it really hurts my pride. In that knowledge I sit wallowing in my own Slough of Despair (Pilgrim's Progress) looking for the steps set aside that I might struggle across to get back on the path to The City. I see my siblings here, my parents there, my friends and my "neighbors" all sitting around in the room of my mind. Something is missing from my life, but am I the one to say? Is there really something missing, or did I just pass it up? I want to help, but lead?
Leading forth with my pen, I will try to write a helping hand for my brothers and sister, a fleece for the Lord to measure my heart and the faculties He has given me. Does this mean I am to be a shepherd? A man of the cloth? where? My work shall be on being a man, something of which I am just beginning to catch a glimpse. God placed us just a little lower than the angels, and we shall be His chosen ones in a joint inheritance. What does that mean here? Now?

(this blog to be posted serially)

found this is in my old files

2006-01-08T13:57:00.000-08:00

I’m not exactly sure why I’m writing, but I don’t know that I have been inspired by the movie Finding Forrester to write. Not only that, but I have been struggling over the music history I have been studying, the need to know why these artists were important and what their contribution was; I want to know what my contribution is, and now is as good a time as any to start. My approach to life, in general, had been pretty straightforward, or at least I thought it was, but I must say now that I feel more in the dark. I’ve heard it said that “the more you know, the more you know you don’t know,” and while I can’t remember who said that, or who I heard it from first, I can remember all the times I thought I knew it all and found out how wrong I was. To know is something that I have pursued throughout my life; then I find that knowing only makes me less knowledgeable. I don’t know enough, won’t know enough, and I can’t do anything to fix that. God has made too much in such an unfathomable way that I cannot possibly catch up to His greatness. My search for this knowledge led me to college, the place where learning seemed to happen organically. I was wrong about that as well. Maybe that is false, for I have learned much, just not about subjects that I have studied, rather, I have learned what occurrences have thrown into my experience. My little experience... it seems so worthless, do I make it grow or wait for it to take its own trip around the block? I want to create. To be in God’s image is to strive for the status of Creator; never to be attained, but also at both the back of one’s mind and the forefront of their strivings. Is it enough to teach others to create? Or can God only be the one, and we scurry trying to take credit for what He has done in ourselves? I am stuck in a labyrinth, running with one hand along a wall, so that, despite the turns, we may find our way out. Like some myth though, I find that it isn’t real and all my running has led me in a circle because it isn’t a labyrinth really. Eternity is a circle and just like you can’t find the beginning or end of it, you can’t enter or leave unless the Circle Draw-er puts you there. God, where is my entrance into Your circle?

What question do I answer? I love, does that make me human? God is love, but what does that make me? The darkness is so comforting when I can stop and think that love is presently absent, nearby and close at hand. Then I wake up and realize that I am still in the dark, and while love is still close at hand I can’t remember which hand. God take that love from me.... I get up, grab some coffee, try to feel like the music I listen to is something I could do, but I know I can’t create something like that. Maybe I should stick to something that I can create, but where to start then? I can’t think of my own skills, I can stand for something, steadfast and not blowing in the wind as some might, but I can’t feel my feet anymore. I think that my legs have atrophied, where is the strength to run the race marked for all to run.

smiling

2005-12-03T01:31:00.000-08:00

so I had the weirdest thing happen to me Friday. I couldn't help but smile. That's not weird I suppose, but the part that was lay in the fact that I didn't feel like smiling I was just looking for a way to excape the awkward feeling in my face. I tried stretching my face, and yawning, but nothing helped till i started smiling. and not little smiling either, big toothy grin kind of smiling.
I wonder if that has any connection to my ponderings on worshipping whole-heartedly. For instance, when someone does something good, they feel good after, even if they dreaded the action beforehand. Like visiting a hospital. It follows the process William James (Psychologist) worked on. This process led the idea that physical impression (doing the deed despite lack of feeling) led to emotional response, then to physical expression (meaning the actions, not just doing them). food for thought.

anthropomorphic

2005-11-22T23:55:00.000-08:00

Are the characteristics that we assign to God as anthropomorphic, really human characteristics applied to God? Do they not make sense in our ideas of God, lacking completeness and uniformity with Him, because they are really theo-pomorphic characteristics applied to us? God changes His mind, but not knowing 1) His original and full plan or 2) what it would be like to be omniscient and omnipotent, we cannot know that changing one’s mind is such, or even that it is something to be considered weak or bad.

God’s sense of humor: ask for patience, expect irritation; ask for joy, look for opportunities to need it; desire a way out, be certain that it will be sent and warned that it may come in the same package as your undesired circumstances. Thanks for Your faithfulness, God.

fall downs and pick-me-ups

2005-11-21T22:12:00.000-08:00

My biggest downfall in writing, I believe, has been my lack of passion. At least I thought that for a while, then I actually took the time to realize that I keep writing, I’m always reading, adding to my knowledge and curiosity. So then I redefine my downfall, my own Achilles’ heel: I have no focused passion. No, … that struck home too hard… I would rather make something up about me reacting passionately to too many things for me to be considered passionless, or too centered to lack the focus. I think my problem is that I lack the discipline to apply my life to my passion. I know what I love, but to be passionate about it would require my efforts even when I don’t want to give up any more of myself. I don’t want to give any more of myself. I want to know what to give myself to. I want a wife, a family, a calling that I can pour all of myself upon and into that my daily life would be spent to the glory of God.

a re-newed thought

2005-11-19T16:51:00.000-08:00

Even more, on this day;
I realize and my hand I stay;
My mind calls and my reading follows,
The thoughts of Rome and men of Apollo.
Too oft I find, my heart and my mind;
Trying to fill God’s pre-writ page for me.
Margins narrow, my thoughts combine filling all available space lest I waste my
Time….

Do I really need to be filling all these margins? Leron Heath said that God uses the margins of our lives to demonstrate His Glorious Poem in us, and the beautiful silence that surrounds us. But I think I try too hard to write from side to side to capture each thought as my own, destroying the poetry that God works in me. Please help….

blank

2005-11-17T18:53:00.000-08:00

My writing demonstrates a similarity of traits I share with Paul and Martin Luther. How can I honestly compare myself with those two? Sure, they are not divine, but they are spiritual leaders whose discipline has taken them far beyond where I find myself today. I do, however, respond in part as they do. They thought and wrote, were questioned and wrote, and when they felt something needed to be said, you can see what they did about it as their writings live on to help guide us in this day. I write letters much as they did, using insight that has been passed on to me that the recipient might grow in some way. Will I be remembered for my letters?

struggle

2005-11-16T23:58:00.000-08:00

I've found that one of my biggest struggles in trusting God is not in what is said in His verses, but what is unsaid. That wonderful verse that says keep first the kingdom of God and all else will follow, or that by searching after Him, He will give me the desires of my heart; what are those? I don't worry about what to eat or drink, or what I will wear (those of you that know me can vouch strongly in these regards), but I worry about having no desire or focused passion for anything. There isn't anything I want to pursue, no job I want to have (meaning that there is nothing I want to do and get paid for), no hobbies that matter to me more than just a way of passing time. I can't think of anything I can't do without, nothing that if taken would make my life less fun or entertaining.
These are my worries. And where do I begin to truly understand His Word and His Promises to me, when I have no external motivators, etc. to give me any motivation for the future? how can I truly understand why/how to trust Him, when the goal is something that I have no clue I want?

Literature

2005-11-16T22:41:00.000-08:00

Addition of material in the world of literature is something that haunts me. Is what I have beneficial to those that might taste this bitter draught I brew? My own joy I pursue, giving up, the reverse psychology of myselves. My right hand is limping away, the beaten snail(‘s) cracked shell my heart, the explosion a thud of a basketball dribbling itself in my memories. Adding insult to injury, I let myself drift as quickly away clutching my pen, staining each page as it comes, hoping that the ink will produce a worthwhile phrase.

another addition

2005-11-13T18:52:00.000-08:00

I stand steadfast, the vanguard of all I have found to be true. My stance is set, I may learn from others but my practice remains the same. My feet remain planted in the truth I’ve found. I can’t feel them anymore, my legs atrophied from the constancy of me. Are those broken hearts or the victorious trophies I’ve gained, the Pompeii of stone souls? My coffee induced awareness kills me. The feeling that I can think, because my mind runs at super speed to catch up with my heart rate, chasing love and driving away in my pickup lines of people lining my memories of now and tomorrow.

Old work re-written

2005-11-12T20:17:00.000-08:00

I found some old stuff written down in old notebooks so i decided I'd post some of them. Enjoy.

My desire to create and do is overrunning me. I feel constantly led to more. Am I missing something before I dash forward? The sunrise and sunset call my name; the one to beckon me, the other to remind me to listen for the beckoning, yet neither recognizes what has been done. The moon is my mistress, keeping secret my dreams of tomorrow and yesteryear. Writing keeps my hand busy, catching glimpses of my thoughts and taking them captive by ink, yet escaping the clutches of my reason. Those thoughts -born of my brain, fed by my heart, and searching for their complement- find themselves running harder, in fear of the wolves behind them and the chasm before. Ah, now comes the real pursuit, the circuit is long but still the end begins and I am there again, for the first time: “I am the Hunter” (Bjork). The monkey on my back is the carrot before me, the hare before my canine attack, the thoughts I possess that captivate ME. The people I admire for what they do, is their motivation to do or is that the occurrence for another enticement? “I am Spartacus.” I am Man Thinking. I am the little boy trailing beside hie father trying desperately to be Him: for He is the Thinker, He is the one beyond thinking to doing. Emerson’s Man Thinking was the doer, the categorizer for all society, making information known and knowable; what am I?

If you liked this and want me to post more, just let me know. thanks.

I'm nothing

2005-10-30T10:16:00.000-08:00

I have now reached the age of nothingness: not a full adult (although this only applies to liquor which I can't have anyways) and no longer a teenager. I am 20. For those of you that remember that chapel, I was thinking of the NBC camps guy that screamed "I am Simpson College" while bouncing a friggin basketball around on stage.
I'm 20, I'm relaxing, I'm wondering what's next, and I'm patient to see what can/will happen.
How are you?

more psych tests

2005-10-26T18:21:00.000-07:00

Tell me the accuracy:

Main type	Variant

Take Free Enneagram Personality Test
personality tests by similarminds.com

Enneagram Test Results

Type 1	Perfectionism	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	46%
Type 2	Helpfulness	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	56%
Type 3	Image Awareness	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	53%
Type 4	Sensitivity	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	46%
Type 5	Detachment	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	56%
Type 6	Anxiety	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	70%
Type 7	Adventurousness	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	36%
Type 8	Aggressiveness	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	36%
Type 9	Calmness	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	53%

Your main type is 6
Your variant is social

Take Free Enneagram Personality Test
personality tests by similarminds.com

yet another one, this time I'm an engineer

2005-10-24T23:12:00.000-07:00

ISTP - "Engineer". Values freedom of action and following interests and impulses. Independent, concise in speech, master of tools. 5.4% of total population.

Free Jung Word Test (similar to Myers-Briggs)
personality tests by similarminds.com

Intro to psych assignment...Accurate? you tell me.

2005-10-24T23:07:00.000-07:00

Cattell's 16 Factor Test Results

Warmth	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	70%
Intellect	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	46%
Emotional Stability	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	66%
Aggressiveness	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	30%
Liveliness	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	26%
Dutifulness	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	78%
Social Assertiveness	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	34%
Sensitivity	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	34%
Paranoia	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	50%
Abstractness	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	46%
Introversion	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	70%
Anxiety	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	38%
Openmindedness	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	66%
Independence	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	62%
Perfectionism	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	50%
Tension	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	38%

semantics

2005-10-24T22:23:00.000-07:00

so lately I have been finding myself trying to convert everyone to a common usage of the English language. I realize that everyone but me uses a common form of the language, but it seems that this uniformity leaves much to be desired in the concepts that can be said. For instance, one would say "like" for everything just to show comparison. Or, as I did in that last sentence, one might also use the word "just" to show how much it means to the speaker.
One recent semantic discussion that I had was on the difference between relationship and friendship. what do you, my lovely readers, think about this?
I have com eto the conclusion that "friendship" is a modifier, a descriptor of the word/concept "relationship." It is something that expounds on the idea that I relate to another at some level. For close friendships this means that I allow them into the deepest ring of my soul. For strangers, I may just walk on by, wondering what would happen if I said "I love Jesus, yes, I do; I love Jesus, how 'bout you?"

what happens now?

2005-10-20T23:41:00.000-07:00

you know that school hates you as much as you hate it when you go to schedule your last (or close to last) semester and you look down at a list of 8 classes and 10 units for those classes. Its not that I'm scared of this semester to come, its that I despise its coming. It should already have been over. huh... so much for thinking you learned something truly exciting. Everyone else already knows this stuff. I pity the freshman that haven't learned this yet.

worlds of foyag

2005-08-21T11:46:00.000-07:00

all right, just a little thing about church, then music, and on to the reason for the name of this post. I meet more an more people that find church to be too little family and too much extreme. For instance, its nice to have some hymns in church services. I don't want to go back to only hymns, but some is pleasant to the heart and ear. On the other hand, I don't want to keep doing only praise choruses or peppy-pop-star "worship songs". There should be a balance. Just like there should be a balance of law and grace. The idea that seems to permeate through the society that I see, is that one is either under the law or not. Thus, if you follow rules and try to abide by previous askings of authorities you are condemned to being one of those uptight-goody-two-shoes-trying-to-make-it-to-heaven-of-your-own-worth people. What the heck is up with that?! God never said Don't ever follow what I said before Christ died, when He died it meant that everything before it was stupid! No, He said that because of Christ our salvation is no longer dependent on our actions. But shouldn't our actions demonstrate God's love, and doesn't that mean that our lives should show love and respect? How do we know if we are demonstrating love and respect, that our footsteps are leading us to a place where people can see God's love in our everyday lives (besides wearing t-shirts that say," God's love in our everyday lives"). Oh yeah... that's right, that whole," hey guys, I wrote this thing out for you, its called the Bible." a guideline that both directs our steps and reminds us that God's love is complete and that our actions of following what He wrote before for our instruction is a response to the grace He gave us.

a new world

2005-08-19T13:40:00.000-07:00

so, I have taken a bigger step than I can remember having taken before, in fact, this step is so big that I managed to scare a friend and terrify myself in doing it: I asked a girl to be my girlfriend. That may seem small to some, and even you, Reader, but I take it quite seriously. I've always known that I wanted to date to marry, not playing a game or trying to get "in" with a girl, but really get to know her with the intention of marriage at the end of the dating time. Something else that I have known I would do with dating, is that I would not even consider asking the girl out till I knew her well enough as a friend. Then, with some more deliberation I would consider asking her out, maybe even demonstrate my intentions to her in deed. It sounds like a lot of work, but I am of the mindset that what is worth keeping if worth working for, and a relationship of this size (friend and up) is worth keeping. Besides, why put half effort in, do a poor job and end up hurting myself (if I think of myself) and her (if I think of others).
All this to say that I now have a girl friend and her name is Kim.

too tired to try

2005-08-06T00:00:00.000-07:00

as the title so aptly puts my thoughts into perspective, I am typing away to fill the time and see what becomes of it. Over the last 12 weeks I have done everything I thought I could do in such a short time. I have also come to realize that 12 weeks isn't a short time, but time does fly by if you're paying attention to what is going on in front of you. it's been a blast. I love to crochet, oddly enough, and it is a past time that gives me both something to do and a chance to think through anything that may pop into my head. or hum fun songs that I don't actually know the words to, because, despite my musical training, I have a terrible time with lyrics and remembering melodic lines. So I struggle through Soul Sista, or Bands with Managers, or I Will, and it fills the time until the next thing comes along and the next and the next, and the next, life is filled with all of those next things, isn't it? I don't mind too much, so many good things come next, the bad things can't keep you down if they are only for you to get better from. Take for instance my relationship with my dad. For those that may actually know something about me, the logical question to ask me would be : which dad are you talking about? Either one I suppose, but just by saying that it must be that something hard happened in my life, and it did. But I now get the chance to see that fathers aren't those who provided the seed for your becoming, but more the men that helped you become a man. I don't know how it is for women, ask one of them. it helps knowing that. what I mean is that it is comforting to me to have the knowledge that while God moved my dads around in my life, He is always there: 1) being a Dad to me, 2) providing dad's when necessary, men like Dave Ytreeide, Dan Foster, Kyle Coffin.
Stucco sucks. If you ever get a house, don't put stucco on it. there's no point. what you end up doing is hoping that the contractors do a good job, then pray that the stucco holds and doesn't leak, and if it does, then you have to bring in people to saw big chunks off the side of your house banging and prying these cement bricks from your walls. Lame. believe me, I just spent the last 3 days helping with stuff like that, and of all the contracting jobs I've done, it was the worst. Trenching is easier than this stuff. framing is more fun. landscaping feels more rewarding. and diamonds are a girls best friend, while guys just have dogs. which would you choose?

something about tour...

2005-07-12T10:47:00.000-07:00

Hey all, still cruising the western united states. You guys should really see these places! Utah and Idaho stunned me, just long enough till Washington made me weak at the knees with its beauty. No offense to all of those that are local Californians, as I am, but there are many places better than most of california. Washington state calls to me, from the cascades to the rainforest, the san juans, juan de fuca, the entire peninsula (especially PA). Utterly amazing! And having grown up in the church and, more so, growing up in ministry to the church, I have seen so many of the backbiting political things that can crop up when people aren't totally focused on God, on Christ crucified and resurrected. So, for myself and those that have found themselves seeing the church from the inside out, the majority of the church is not like that. In fact, it is the amllest portion of the church that feels it necessary to cause or support problems and not grace. Praise God for that. More and more I get to see Christians acting like Christians, like Christ, and that gives me hope, because I don't remember that being true. I'm glad I am wrong about the state of the American church, God is glorified by the people that truly follow him and they really are out here (even in Utah, where there is only one christian church in So. Jordan, pop. 40,000)

therefore since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us lay aside every weight and the sin which so easily ensnares us, and let us run with endurance the race that has been set before us, looking unto Jesus the author and finisher of our faith, who, for the joy set before him endured the cross, despising the shame and has sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. For consider Him who endured such hostility from sinners against Himself, lest you become weary and discouraged in your souls. You have not yet resisted to bloodshed striving against sin, and you have forgotten the exhortation which speaks to you as to sons: My son, do not despise the chastening of the Lord, nor be discouraged when you are rebuked by Him. For whom the Lord loves, He chastens and scourges every son whom He receives. If you endure chastening, God deals with you as with sons, for what son is there whom a father does not chasten. But if you are without chastening, of which all have become partakers, then you are illegitimate and not sons. Furthermore, we had human fathers who corrected us and we paid them respect, shall we not much more readily be in subjection to the father of spirits and live.

Birth

2005-06-14T00:41:00.000-07:00

Happy birthday to those rad peoples that were born on the 7th day of June during any year of our Lord. Especially Delice Harris and Brian Newell. The two coolest people I've ever known.
Thanks you guys for all of the fun.
Pray for delice, she's going crazy gung-ho over in Europe ministering to all the kiddy missionaries, and Brian as he works toward being a missionary of some sort.
Love to the nedong and ciana-face

Tour's fun

2005-06-10T08:30:00.000-07:00

So, I'm out on the road, travelling around the western states (California, Arizona, Nevada, Utah, Idaho, Washington, Oregon). Its a blast! For those of you out there, you must try Filipino food, especially this raw fish dish that is actually pretty good tasting. It doesn't taste fishy, which is a huge plus, because it has been marinated in vinegar and lemon, a real nice taste. And, going along with that, check out Filipino culture, I've never seen a culture absorb so much from other cultures without serious repurcussions socially, but Filipinos have picked up every culture that has touched them and made it their own. Their movies are in tagalo, but even that language is built on spanish/english models and words, but they just take it as part of their life.

My revelation on psychology

2005-05-11T16:58:00.000-07:00

What's this about the psych major?!
Its not actually accredited for you as a student or even for your teachers, its just a continuation of the professors' doctoral studies: to see how much crap college students will go through if they think that these classes meant something (doing little surveys and stuff) What!?, you may say. Yeah, its all part of the grande scheme. Man, my face says it all right now cuz i sure don't know what to type. In fact thats what happened with the profs themselves, they realized after so many years of schooling that it was ridiculous: all psych majors are trying to get an impossible goal while others are studying them to get to that same goal. Thus the smarter people realized, they could say that they found the answers and no one could refute it since there wasn't anything to refute it with everyone was just as blind as the next one. So these smarter people wrote books about what they thought and sold them to people to make money, having previously spent it all in trying to get a degree in a degree-less field. And put letters in front of theirs names so that others would listen to them.
Lendmeyourears! and tell me what you think of this theory.

*Works Cited:
The Mind of the Beholder. Ms. Deliciana JoyFace. MyBooks Pub. Yakima, WA. 2005.

an update to...

2005-04-20T20:45:00.000-07:00

... silence the attempts on my life for keeping the blog alive. I pledge my apologies to those of you that brave your way through each and every new post, and especially to those that comment back. I was thinking back to my spring break and the books that I read, the thoughts I perused to find what I saw in those books. It was then that I realized how far I had stepped away from who I saw myself as when coming to school. The passion for integrity had taken on a new form, one based in words, giving my word for things, but not trying to be integrity. That's kind of a different idea, I know, but it was what I used to try. The characters I modeled myself after took on the loner complex, but were complete, found the path they wanted and held it as real. Lifting others up; serving when necessary and without thanks; searching for the next step diligently; and loving completely, even if the love was not the most apparent thing one might see. These are all things that I had wanted to be as fixed figures in my life, but I had lost in the college transition, and this, the end of my junior year, I have begun the trip home. Home is my settledness in God, when the world shakes to its own self-destructive explosion, and in my home you can find peace when your sisters are searching for themselves (being a rock as God may have intended) or when your brothers have lost the mortar that held them together a rock themselves, but cracked and in need of repair. God, please be the strength that I might have this peace and home. Hold my feet to Your will, and give my wings the force of Your own that I might be the shield of my community, the friends that are my family and the family that is me.

Glory to be You, regardless of me.

haven't changed much ellipsis

2005-04-12T12:48:00.000-07:00

I'm sick. Not vomiting everywhere, wondering if I just lost my small intestine, or coughing so hard that my feet hurt, just sick. My mom always told me that I was a happy sick kid, that nothing got me down enough to stop me from having fun. Nothing that is, except for the common sniffly cold.... I could be throwing cookies while coughing with an earache and still be running around with my transforming ninja turtle (Donatello is the best), but if I had a runny nose and a sore throat you could count me out of just about anything. And now, here I am, a 19-year old5'-8" impression of myself all those years ago, unable to anything because I have a runny nose and sore throat. I was less debilitated after my car accident when I was thrown from my work truck out the open passenger window. Therefore the first virus to ever be cured should be the cold, then we can work from there.

2005-03-21T16:08:00.000-08:00

So, spring break is here, and I am not at school (praise Christ!). Suddenly, a new world surrounds me, the rain is not driving into my face, the geese are not present at my every move. My environment now consists of my family and my pets. Yet, out of that light springs new challenges to face, some to conquer and others to let pass by.
So many ideas running through my brain. All who read this, do not forget to read the book: Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance. This book was recommended to me by a theology professor at

Simpson University

. Gret comments, mind-bending comments on the process involved for the author to justify claims for quality, hip, square, and other relations between the subjective and the objective. For example, what makes one paper so easy to identify as better than any other paper? Why is it that one or many can all come up with the same response to the quality of that paper? Is it something physical, something that the paper consists of? Or is it just subjective in each person's head, waiting to be "forced" on others? The author suggested otherwise, that in reality there was a third alternative to the question of subjective vs. objective vision: that quality stood above both subject and object in the hierarchical ladder. He takes it even further so that the ladder of metaphysics would take the form of:

Quality (reality)

Romantic quality(preintellectual reality) & Classic quality(intellectual reality)

subjective reality(mind) & objective reality

Like I said, mind-bending.
Oh, and remember for plagiarism's sake, that came from Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance by Robert M. Pirsig.

an exercise in futility

2005-03-16T21:49:00.000-08:00

I have little to say it seems. So I shall leave you with some quotes.

"There's many a slip betwixt cup and the lip."-Young Guns 1

"Love is like whiskey, Like sweet, sweet wine,If you want to be happy,You have to have it all the time."-Langston Hughes

"Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society." -Mark Twain

"Woman are meant to be loved, not to be understood". -Oscar Wilde

a lack of any punctuatuation creates a feeling of continuity and causes one to see the words in new orders and combinations yet it is discouraged in those writings which call for it the most the thought provocation of my heart is being lost by some mindless committee that decided the world needed confirmation for the ideas that they should get from an author please please me they cry

surreal

2005-03-13T12:25:00.000-08:00

so the weekend is finally beginning. Genesis weekend can really try a person's strength and energy. Praise God for naps. It was a good weekend, but I worked some 20 hours this week, on top of all of the school (including the school on Saturday), played several worship sets and ran sound for some as well. Productive and, I hope, helpful.
One encouraging thing that did happen was being able to meet and talk to Prof. Philippian. He's one of the most personable profs I've met. And he is actually in a position to help get this school running smoothly/efficiently. go figure... I met someone that wants the same things I want.
the end

pedronegro

2005-03-04T15:28:00.000-08:00

pedronegro

2005-02-27T22:12:00.000-08:00

sometimes you just have to wonder how many times the person is you, getting attacked by that strange Mexican electric bolt? little baby's eyes, eyes, eyes, eyes...

2005-02-24T00:36:00.001-08:00

www.songbyrdjournal.blogspot.com

2005-02-24T00:36:00.000-08:00

www.annlynn21.blogspot.com

2005-02-24T00:35:00.000-08:00

www.celebrateminutiae.blogspot.com

2005-02-24T00:24:00.000-08:00

2005-02-24T00:22:00.000-08:00

the light is not quite at the end of the tunnel

losing myself...

2005-02-23T21:39:00.000-08:00

I fell today. Not a fall that scrapes your knee and wakes you up to the pain. Nope, not that kind of fall... more of a I just realized I paralyzed my feelings and had thrown myself on the edge of the pissed-off cliff to see if I could find myself again. That part sure didn't help (I couldn't feel to begin with, why would it change then?), but then I was picked up, given feeling and thrown to the ground on my face far from the edge and much farther from a soft spot.
"I am poured out like water, and all my bones are out of joint; My heart is like wax; It has melted within Me. My strength is dired up like a potsherd, andMy tongue clings to My jaws; You have brought Me to the dust of death.

...You have answered Me."

2005-02-20T12:54:00.000-08:00

Ah, my friends... watch out world, the MKs are being set loose, with God leading the way

TCKs

2005-02-20T12:36:00.000-08:00

Haha, little do the MKs at Gate House (www.gatehouseministries.com) realize that they are being talked about here on my blog... and they can't even stop me if they did HAHAHAHHAHA!
Speaking of whom, the title of this post, as basically all MKs realize stands for Third Culture Kids. I feel that I have a kinship with people that find themselves in this position of coming from one culture yet also growing up in another while in minstry with their parents. These kids shift from home to home, people group to people group, always under scrutiny to see if they'll mess up (normally they don't because they are, of course, perfect, but exceptions are made for the cheaters: Cheri and Katrina : ) P I suppose I cannot say with certainty that this is true, but I do empathize with them, and for me, MKs/TCKs are the people that I feel the most comfortable around. With all of the changes in my own life and struggling to find my niche in the world while my parents are polar opposites and there is no steadiness of culture to raise myself up in; with the travelling that kept me from developing the early relationships that I might have; with the life in minstry as my stepdad was called from church to church; these things I do know that my friends understand. So everyone out there reading this, go find and hug a TCK near you!

2005-02-18T18:10:00.000-08:00

family.social

2005-02-16T21:04:00.000-08:00

So I am currently in a Biblical Backgrounds class here at Simpson University (go Red hawks, or something equally enthusiastic). It is a basic course on the history of the geographical and sociopolitical environment of the Ancient Near East. The topic in the class textbook is the interactions between people at that time, and the mindset behind each group of people. How crazy would it be to wae up one morning and find that the people around you are all acting like those from the ANE would have. People acted as part of a group, lived as a group and to not be that way would be acting as an outcast. One would be known by their family, honor dealt out by the honor of the respective family. And no one would think of you or your actions in psychological terms, analyzing meanings behind meanings; you would be placed alongside the rest of your social group and the entirety would be measured. I'm not sure if I would like that kind of society any more than I like this current society that I am living in. On the one hand, I wouldn't mind being placed in a society that realized the importance of honor in maintain relationships that work (all relationships, i.e. work, love, friendship). Then again, for those of you that know me, would I really fit into any kind of social group, compared against and with others of any sort? would I be able to stand it?
Did you know that the honor system dealt out honor to men in response to proper actions at proper times? Women, on the other hand, basically started out as being virtuous or honorable, and only by their acting inappropriately could be considered dishonorable. Thus, men had honor, and women shame, and this was the economy of status. makes you wonder which filter is better to look through: ours or theirs?

2nd one down, let's see how it turns out....

2005-02-15T22:51:00.000-08:00

hmmm... when evening comes, my life blurs out before me, making a display similar to that of fireworks in the clouds: pinpricks peeking through the dim refractions of each cloud and firework pair. That seems also to be the most fun time to write as well, mainly for those same reasons. I cannot think of anything worth sharing from this past day I have had, but I would like to bring up reading.
How much reading material is there left worthy of our attention? It seems like I could spend lifetimes upon generations of lifetimes just to begin to grasp the knowledge and the fiction of the created world. I'm in process of reading several books on top of textbooks, and I can't get enough. Have you ever read Paradise Lost? or poetry by Wordsworth, Longfellow, or Coleridge? Plutarch's histories? or David's Psalms? Each one brings out one aspect of literature that another sees in a new light, yet all connected, my pinpricks in clouds. One poem that I would have to recommend for both its humor and its depth of compositional skill is The Rape of the Lock. At first glance one would assume the worst from that title, but bear in mind that it was written by Alexander Pope many years ago. In this case, it means the unwanted attention and taking of a lady's favorite lock of hair while at a dinner party. Nymphs and sylphs watching over her, taking care to warn her of advances from suitors -yet also guiding her in schemes to encourage those same men- realizing that one suitor would not be put off from getting his trophy (the lock of hair) plead with their mistress' subconcious. These pleadings are put off, the lock taken, and the woman's heart broken, and there begins the fun, for the outrage of this woman against this man, becomes the outrage of all the women at the party against the men, then the nymphs and sylphs join in the fray until all are wounded and slipping in and out of conciousness while the recovered lock is whisked away to become a new constellation as a reminder to all women to beware of the advances of men. Love that poem....

fire 'em up

2005-02-14T22:26:00.000-08:00

So, this guy strombie inspired me. I have stepped out from my previous realm of mere IM conversations and into that of blogs. Now is the beginning of the end for all of my readers (I pray that you don't die from the boredom that rolls through this room and onto my screen).
I now pass this onto you; enjoy it, use it to converse and discuss, say "hi".

Oh, and pass on any long and interesting words (w/ their definitions, please), I just like to learn new wild things.
Words:
uxorious
oppobrious
pernicious

mello-nation

striving to bloodshed

Still want to "Subscribe"?

who knew 4th of July came twice this year?

Salinas Little League ruined my life.

Was this surprise "Lent" to me?

enjoy your trepidation.

Movers and Shapers

About me... and not me.

coming out of A closet

world as myth

Family is more than you know...

sometimes it takes so long...

dreams

Reminds me of...

some of my latest thoughts

The Revisited, again...

An Old Thought, revisited.

that one that followed the first

one to be followed by another

the search for unity in community

the eleventh copycat... a return to roots

Copycat #10

a quick digression

ninth copycat

huitième d'une série qui peut ne jamais terminer

séptimo de serie del gato de la copia

the sixth of an unknown copycat

an addendum to the pentad

the copycat's pentad

fourth of the copycats

copycat the third

copycat the second

copycat?

found this is in my old files

smiling

anthropomorphic

fall downs and pick-me-ups

a re-newed thought

*blank*

struggle

Literature

another addition

Old work re-written

I'm nothing

more psych tests

yet another one, this time I'm an engineer

Intro to psych assignment...Accurate? you tell me.

semantics

what happens now?

worlds of foyag

a new world

too tired to try

something about tour...

Birth

Tour's fun

My revelation on psychology

an update to...

haven't changed much *ellipsis*

an exercise in futility

surreal

pedronegro

losing myself...

TCKs

family.social

2nd one down, let's see how it turns out....

fire 'em up

blank

haven't changed much ellipsis